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There are times when I'm inconsolable
when the world around me becomes too much
and my demons come out to feast on me again
There are times when I'm hopeless
when I'm too lost to return home
and I don't need your comforting touch
I just need to be left alone to sit quietly in the dark

Don't offer me a friendly hand
nor a tender embrace of love
Just let me surround myself with shadows
and let my troubles eat me whole
Don't try to save me when I can't be saved
and keep your tender words for another day
a day when the tides of my heart have changed
and my soul flows the other way

But until that time remember that I love you
and that you're still the keeper of my heart
but for the moment love is not my friend
and your tender touch and sweetest smile
are like poison to my aching soul
So let me be
Let me sit alone in the dark
Let me find comfort in forgotten lusts
Let me bandage my heart with solitude
and dry my tears with time

I know that you understand
and I pray that you'll return
Because I long for when I can emerge from this shadows
and once again cherish the smile glistening
across your sweet, tender face

 

If you step outside into the crystal midnight air
you can feel the moonlight dancing across your skin.
As it lights the world below with its hues of pale white
it cools everything it touches making the very air around us
seem to leap away from our faces
and hide in the shadows for safety.
One has to wonder how any reflection of the sun
can be so cruel and dim
lighting as much as it obscures
and cooling as much as it warms.
For what the sun gives
the moon takes away
sealing the world into the other side of the looking glass
leaving the earth frozen and barren
but beautiful all the same.
For when I feel the moon strike me
with it's pale rays of ice
though it brings no warmth or comfort
nonetheless it brings me life.
I know I'm trapped in the looking glass.
Just looking back at life itself
like the moonlight stretching across the earth
I'm cold and lifeless
but perhaps beautiful all the same.
So if you enjoy my moonlight
as it dances across your skin
perhaps you'll share kind words 
with a face trapped in the looking glass
just trying to stay warm in the crystal midnight air

 

 

What do you know about love?
I've touched its perfect face
I've held it tight in my arms
and kissed it to sleep each night
What can you know about love?
If you can hate something so perfect
something so beautiful
something so real
that it brings me to my knees
When I see them walking hand in hand
with bright smiles across their faces
and a look of pure joy in their eyes
I know they've touched the same love I hold
and I could never deny anyone I loved
anyone I cared about
such a perfect union of souls
Some people spend their entire lives
up until their dying breath
looking for something this beautiful
searching for something this wonderful
and that's why I could never
not in a thousand lifetimes
stand between my love and her happiness.
I could never tell her who she is
or that what she's feeling is wrong.
But there you stand
soaking in the pouring rain
shaking your head violently
disgusted by some invisible shame
What do you know about love?
How can you touch love
when your heart is filled with fear and hate?
If you understood love
even grasped the meaning of the word
you'd know it takes a million different forms
each as perfect as the last
and though I can't hate you through all my pity
when I see the pain you cause
the tears you bring
and the misery you create
I break down and cry.
Because I know then
that you'll never know the meaning of love
the true meaning of love.
But yet, in your ignorance
in your blindness and hate
you crush something so perfect
so beautiful
that it still brings me to my knees
and for that I'll never forgive you
though I'll always pity you
as you wallow in your sea of pain.

 

 

If you step outside into the crystal midnight air
you can feel the moonlight dancing across your skin.
As it lights the world below with its hues of pale white
it cools everything it touches making the very air around us
seem to leap away from our faces
and hide in the shadows for safety.
One has to wonder how any reflection of the sun
can be so cruel and dim
lighting as much as it obscures
and cooling as much as it warms.
For what the sun gives
the moon takes away
sealing the world into the other side of the looking glass
leaving the earth frozen and barren
but beautiful all the same.
For when I feel the moon strike me
with it's pale rays of ice
though it brings no warmth or comfort
nonetheless it brings me life.
I know I'm trapped in the looking glass.
Just looking back at life itself
like the moonlight stretching across the earth
I'm cold and lifeless
but perhaps beautiful all the same.
So if you enjoy my moonlight
as it dances across your skin
perhaps you'll share kind words 
with a face trapped in the looking glass
just trying to stay warm in the crystal midnight air.

 

 

Sometimes when the weather is doing it's worst
And the rain is turning into ice
And the ice is turning into snow
I reach for a warm fire
And to wrap myself in a blanket of you

While it's not the warmth that keeps men alive
It certainly keeps me from feeling cold
It warms a man's soul
Heating him from the inside out
Like coals to a fire
Or wind to the ocean
It pushes me onward
And if I ever need protection
From one of life's many chills
All I need to do
Is wrap myself in a blanket of you

This is why no matter how horrid the weather
Or cruel the demons of life may be
I'll always have a respite
From the hardships of the world
And to find whatever warmth I crave
All I need to do is wrap myself in a blanket of you

 

 

Sacred spells and tantric touch,
A need so bad, I want so much.
The dew is freezing on the grass,
With heated skin as slick as glass.
Passion mounts with every sigh,
Slipping hands on ground once dry.
Writhing twisting forms of light,
Bodies twining with the fight.

The notes reverberate through hue,
The cries of wanton, heard by few.
Gentle tongue made of pure fire,
Tension, drawn out thin as wire.
It breaks! And floods of agony,
Enraged, when once stood placidly.
From the heart leaps ancient fear,
From our minds, the lies she'll sear.
Held within her circling reach,
Something had been learned from each.
Embraced by what was once a plague
Now we'll laugh and love and play!

 

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                            When every song on the record
is known all too well
When every note is just the one before the next
and every line just something to remember
When every high and low are etched into our minds
and their transitions too easy to predict
When every chord is heard first inside our skulls
and every bar just senseless repetition
That's when we reach for something new


When every word in the book
has been read a dozen times before
when every sentence is but a string of words
and every word a string of letters
When the pages are too torn to turn
and the images dulled by familiarity
And when the plot twists cease to amaze
and even feel like old friends
That's when we close the book


When every day is like the past
and every morning is riddled with deja vu
When everything is on automatic
and at night we can't remember a thing
When every cup of coffee feels the same
and every conversation played a dozen times before
And when every good knight kiss fails to comfort
and every "I love you" just another ritual
That when there's Hell to pay

 

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All I wanted was to hear you say
that you loved me and wouldn't sway
but your words came from far away
to remind me I'll be alone today


All I want is to see you
All I want is to be with you

All I need is to reach you
I'd have all I need to complete you


But holding your heart I'll be strong
humming the bars of the same old song
it feels so good it can't be wrong
But every day now seems so long


I want to hold you so I can say
I can feel your touch every day
It's a strange caress from ghostly hands
scratching my skin like grains of sand


I don't know what I would do if you were here
except whisper to you my dear
that for you I would gladly die
and carry your words to where I lie


But I'm left longing for the kiss
from the boy who's touch I wish

If I could I'd take your hand
and walk you through the shadow land


and when we came through the other side
I'd make a spot for you to hide
and there on the edge of darkness we'd complete
the circle that was meant to be

 

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The world just moves of speeds I can't stand
and shoves me aside, breaks my heart and soul.
I see my end in sight
just past the forest black
There I lay
A butterfly with midnight wings

Invisible yet opaque I cry
my mind, my foe, my heart my pain
and my scars my pride. I'm sound, yet insane
but life still passes me by
There I lay gasping
A butterfly with midnight wings

Behind my frown is tears. Behind
my heart is pain so deep it wounds
my soul. I choke on life and want
for death to take me aside
There I lay gasping, crying
A butterfly with midnight wings

Inside I've died, but yet I live on
and face a darker sky each day
The wounds still fresh, the tears come easy
I know the world cares not for me.
There I lay gasping, crying, dying
A butterfly with midnight wings.

 

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12 Black roses
Lay side by side
A dozen for those
Who, sadly, have died
A small consolation
For those who have cried


Nothing is well
We're living in a hell
Its a time for sadness
And a time for tears
A time for children
To learn of their fears


If only you knew
The roses had died
If only you knew
That angels cried
If only you knew
The roses had thorns
If only you knew
The devil had horns


Hate is a blessing
But love in disguise
Angels are dancing
In your demise
The roses have wilted
In the neverending sun
The trees are still weeping
Never will they be done


If only i knew
Why you had died
If only i knew
How to cry
If only i knew
What made my life
If only i knew

Why i hadn't tried


Love never ends
Even in death
Love isn't true
Until after the last breath
Love never ends
Only strengthened by death


When nothing mattered
Was when i cried
The moment of truth
Had finally arrived

12 black roses
All in a row
12 wilted flowers
No one had grown
When everyone should have been
No one was told

 

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I'm nothing but a dreamer
Dreams are nothing but fantasies
Fantasies creates nothing but illusions
Illusions are everything but the truth


I live on my dreams
I live on my fantasies
I live on my illusions
I live on the agony of unreal


As I am in control of real
Avoiding distress
My dreams stab me once, twice
I'm unable to learn from pain


It kills me every time
Feeling despair again
My fantasy brings me back those broken pieces
Prepare me for another death


I fear it more than anything
I love it more than anything
It brings me rapture
It also brings torment


As I keep on dreaming...

 

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sorry.....

that i hurt you,
broke your little heart,
took all the love you gave to me,
tore it all apart.


sorry.....

that i can't explain,
why or when or how,
sorry that i'm mean to you,
sorry i'm a cow,
sorry i'm not the princess,
you wanted me to be,
sorry i don't add up to her,
only one little me.


sorry......
i'm not perfect,
sorry that i fell,
i'm no longer an angel,
unless it's one from hell.

sorry......
that i'm different,
sorry that i'm sad,
sorry i'm not 'normal',
sorry that i'm bad.


sorry......
that i'm always wrong,

i'm never ever right,
sorry that inside of me,
is black as starless night.


sorry.....
that you had a hard life,
sorry it's not fair,
sorry that noone noticed,
sorry noone cared,


but that still doesn't make it right,
to tell me how to act,
it doesn't give you the right to say,

that what you think is fact.

 

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I am drowning myself in a pool of my own blood.
in the bathtub with a razor in my left hand,
and a precision cut across my right wrist.
I am able to dig the razor into my left wrist-
the pain isn't that great,
the coldness is what begets you.
why I am doing this? is life really that difficult?
it is the emotions I cannot shake;
the flashing memories that scratch at the walls of my heart.
my blood is quite warm against my thighs and ankles.
I cannot move.it is almost time.
this may not be the right way, but it is my way.
I can see my mother crying tears of blood and dismay-
my vision begins to sway. my limbs flail.
. my heart fails .right or wrong, it is my life,
my razor-like knife.my problems are solved.